Thursday, April 14, 2011

trust

I was writing to my nephew's sweet wife today...again. For the past few days we've had this ongoing conversation. Today I shared the following with her for a particular reason, and then thought that since I haven't blogged in a long while, this would do:

I was raised, as my mom was, as her mom was. And that is that what happens, is decided, is bought, is argued over stays in the family. It does not get repeated by the kids even if they are asked by an adult. All referrals go back to the parents. My mom was young, her mom had gotten a divorce because Joseph Morley Thomas (mom’s dad) was a nasty piece of work, vicious, mean, drunk, tired to kill my mom twice. At some point someone asked my mom something that had to do with the family and my mom told this person, “I don’t know. If you want to know, you’ll have to ask my mom. The woman went straight back to my grandmother with the opinion that my mom had been rude to her. My grandmother called my mom in, put her hands on mom’s shoulders, facing the woman and asked the woman to say what supposedly was said. She did, and my mom agreed that she had indeed said that. And my grandmother replied that my mom was correct. That if this woman wanted information she needed to ask her, not the child, and that in any case, it really was none of this woman’s business.

Another time a woman and child came in and accused my mom of doing or saying something to the kid. My grandmother called in my mom and the woman got in a huff that my grandmother would not just take her word for it. My mom was questioned, answered and my grandmother said, there seems to be a different version here. I have never known my daughter to lie so we will just let this go.

That’s how we were raised. We sided and protected each other. We didn’t tell tales about our family out of the house, not to a friend, not to a stranger, not to anyone.

I’ve raised my kids the same way and hope they raise their kids the same…When my grands tell me somethin I remind them that I am only the granny, and they must learn to be true and faithful about all things to their moms and dads. That what happens with parents is still special and sacred and should not be repeated even to the grannies. My kids knew that what happened in our house, stayed in our house.

1 comment:

Lin Floyd said...

good advice from the voice of experience-GRANNY!

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