Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I just read that word, INTERDEPENDENT, as Robert lies napping on my kitchen bed. And the thoughts kept rushing in on me.

We spend a good deal of time in our meetings talking about being independent. Having enough food on the shelves for emergencies. Water. Money available. No debt or at least as little as possible. Some people like to say we have to do this because "GASP!" The end is Coming. The sky will Fall. You're going to be left behind. What's wrong with this or that organization? What? no trip planned to the cannery? Too many artsy fartsy things!

And I, like many, have bought into those ideas (altho I love new and inventive crafts). My mom taught these ideas to me. And her mom before her. I remember stories of my grandparents. How Poppy worked for the WPA and my grandma forced him to take sometimes pennies to the bank to be saved. He felt embarassed taking in these few cents but she was adamant and so he did (he was most obedient). My mom always thought she had to pay someone for doing something for her. She didn't want to be "beholden"....til the end when she HAD to accept the help and caring from others.

So that word really leaped out at me this morning, early, while still dark (and Randy reminded me it IS autumn after all!). And I thought about the interdependence of people

As you know, I have had to be basically totally dependent on Robert for 6 weeks now and 2 times that much left to least. I have been coerced into accepting 2 meals a week from my friends and it's been a blessing and sometimes a good chuckle thrown in for good measure. And I am so grateful...but I still strive to do things myself.

THEN suddenly I thought about another situation. An event that has occurred for close to 15 years. The same thing. The same way. Altered slightly to support and sustain a certain challenge. Then WHAM-O as Roger used to say...someone comes in and without thought or real understanding of why things were done a certain way, changed them. And oh, so slyly. Taken off guard, the event changed for one time. But the hurt feelings, the slap in the face moment, the determination to continue the event with a pre-event....and more...all took place. The 'face' of things changed.

And all because someone didn't understand the interdependence of the group. And suddenly the DEPENDENCE became a huge thing. I learned a lot this week from my bed or wheelchair. And lo, I didn't get mad. I just got sad. And I was again reminded to listen to the promptings that tell me to run from some people, to stay clear, to keep my own counsel (that's the independence side of me) as well as to gravitate to some people, to help them understand WHY things are the way they are, to try and set down bylaws (if you will) to certain things and stick to them. Change sometimes SOMETIMES is good...but not always.

Not when the change alters the INTERDEPENDENCE we ought to be developing among ourselves, among our tribes, among our peeps.


Lin Floyd said...

wow the blessings are coming as your understanding of self and others deepens. Keep writing. You lost me in the some of the vague protecting others or the situation view of things but I generally got the idea. Can it also be called "humility" that we learn-we need others and others need us? Thanks for what you have given me through the years. Love ya-Lin

Millie said...

When I was in your shoes 2 years ago, I learned that everything that happens to us in this life...happens for a reason. I learned that sometimes we are filled with so much to do around us that we loose track of all the things that are important. I learned that God wanted me to stop and refocuse my priorities on the true and right things in life...especially the giving and the receiving. As I spent so many hours sitting, unable to walk , cook, drive and sometimes even bathe, I did cry a lot because I am too independent. I became aware of the true purpose in life....especially in learning to accept the help from others. I now live with the understand that God sometimes wants us to stop what we are doing in order to refocuse our thoughts. I believe He allows some of these things to happen to us so we can rest from our labors. One thing I learned from your mother was that we must learn to give but we must also learn to receive. I want to help but I never felt like you needed me. I am here and though I live with pain everyday giving and serving others is one of my priorities.

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