Thursday is over...and thank heavens for that.
Yesterday would have been my dad's 91st birthday. Roger A. Osborne. That dad. All my kids remembered, as did I, but I sure got struck with the loss....again. This HAS to stop. Despite knowing what I know, why do I still want my folks around, accessible?
I think what compounded my tears was that we have a furnace/AC contract on 809 as well as 3830. Yesterday the company needed to check out 809. Mike let them in last time but he had to be at work, so he just said we could let the man in. I know I still own the house but I have learned to let go of it being my house now that Mike rents. But as I walked into my perfect 809, and looked at his furniture, his stuff...I couldn't get to reality. I stood in our wonderful but tiny kitchen and marveled that I had raised 5 kids, 34 other tots, innumerable exchange students in that home, and cooked and cleaned in that kitchen. And now where are those people? All grown up and gone. I feared the house thought I was a traitor to it. Mike smokes so as I told Marissa...when we have the house back, there's going to be total repainting and recarpeting. And Hank's good at painting...but I won't even care who is good or not...everyone is going to have to show up and put the house back to our home. But the house is spotless and appears to be fine.
I just wasn't. And I had two conflicting events last night. But thought, I can't go in this dreary state. I got 2 calls for the one event and both were totally understanding. I thought I would be fine to sit and .... ? But then I got a call for the 2nd event. Lynette said, "Susan...aren't you coming? We have lots of food." I said, "Nah, I wouldn't be good company." And you'd have to know Lynette to know the tone and the insistence. She said very firmly, "Susan...get in the car and come now. Come now. We will wait for you." And that was that. They were waiting...these women of the red hats and one with a molting red boa. And when I walked in, it was obviously Lynette had clued in these friends of mine of decades. They gently lead me to the tables, to the chair, and reminded me that they were my family. That this is where I should come. All would be well.
And so it's Friday. And all is well. But I have families in so many various aspects of my past life who still continue to be so. I am most fortunate. I have friends who are family. I know young moms who aren't running around crazy trying to keep up the world just because they have children or incomes that might be low. They just plod along doing the best they can. They don't need to be heroes...they just are, by their very natures. And for them, I am most grateful. Thank you my heroes. You know who and what you are!